The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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