OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
