How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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