I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
