Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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