I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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