I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
