i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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