Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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