After last night, I could never be a politician.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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