i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
