i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
