Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We are all done wearing pants today
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
