the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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