what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
