i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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