I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
