Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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