I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
