I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
