oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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