she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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