Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
