had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
