I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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