Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
