Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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