How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my being single is dangerous.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
