Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
