worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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