remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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