Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I want is dick and wine.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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