I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
