It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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