perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
