I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
