I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
