Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
