Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
