so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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