im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.