I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.