so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.