and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?