just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there