I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher