thanks...oh and i got my period
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO