Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
