yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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