After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
