so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
