what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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