it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am available for nakedness
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