i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
