I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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