bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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