So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
