I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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