I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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