just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
