Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
