You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
