he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
