ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
