Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
