Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
