Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
