I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
